tabula rasa
by clovrboy
Summary: Kurt decides to let loose for one night, and wakes up the next day with no recollection of what happened expect for the burning pain in his backside, blaming his self and a shame he decides to keep it a secret. But what happens when he ends up pregnant.
1. Chapter 1

AN: I know I should update my other fics first but I'm having a writers block with Courting, as to What you want I got the whole thing outline and a couple chapters ready that need some tweeking and should be up by next week. Anyways this is a fill for this prompt in the Kink meme:

At a party, Kurt decides to let loose a little, and have a couple of drinks. He drinks more than he planned and gets really drunk. Later in the night, Kurt isn't feeling so good so he finds an empty bedroom, and lies down on the bed. Someone walks in on him, and rapes him, while he's too drunk and disorientated to have any chance at fighting him off.

Kurt never tells anyone what happened because he blames himself for drinking too much. Even after he finds out that he's pregnant he doesn't let anyone know about it and tries to hide the pregnancy from everyone. He and Blaine have been intimate with each other but so far they've only tried giving each other hand jobs and frottage, so Blaine would immediately know that the baby isn't his.

When Blaine finds out he freaks out, and gets really upset, accusing Kurt of cheating before breaking up with him. Kurt doesn't admit the truth because he's so ashamed of what happened. Most of New Directions shun Kurt when they find out, and the ones who don't judge Kurt about what happened feel pressured by the others to ignore him.

BONUS: if Kurt is carrying more than one baby.

I would also like to thank my wonderful beta AirNationOracle for being so much help! Specifically with naming this story, and please make sure to check out his fantastic work, if you are in the for some Hevans fluff I specially recommend his new story between him and him. Now sit back relax and enjoy:

Tabula Rasa

Chapter 1:Empty Feelings"

The world had become a blurry haze that kept changing its axis as if challenging him to try and walk straight.

He knew he shouldn't have drunk that last tequila shot; hell he shouldn't have had any of the shots that the Warblers kept handing him. Because if Kurt Hummel had learned something during April Rhode's short stint as a Gleek: it was he can't hold his alcohol.

But it was David's birthday and it had been so long since he had hung out with the Warblers (except Blaine) and he felt safe, comfortable. Besides, he didn't have to drive home since his dad had let him spend the night with the rest of the Warblers that he had hardly seen since he had transferred back to McKinley.

So when Jon walked over with a shot in each hand Kurt thought _What the hell?_ and downed it, feeling the warm burn go down to his stomach and slowly spread throughout his body. The rest of the night seemed like a repetition of this; either Jon, Trent, Aaron or Flint walking over with a shot in hand and offering Kurt the drink, which of course Kurt was too polite to decline till the world became the whirling haze that his now is.

Holding close to the wall trying to keep steady, Kurt was able to make his way up the stairs without fail, just stumbling every now and then looking for a quiet place to lie down so his world could stop spinning.

The halls of the second floor seen to go forever till Kurt finally found an unlocked room and stumble his way inside dropping in the large bed as song as his eyes laid on it. Not caring if his outfit would get ruined, the only thing that mattered right now was for the world to stop spinning.

Kurt tried closing his eyes to help alleviate the dizziness and slowly his world started the slip away. He felt someone lay next to him in the bed through the blurry line that separated his intoxicated subconscious and sleep. Then moist lips were running down his neck and unknown hands were traveling up and down his body finding their way to his belt.

Whether it was a dream turning into a nightmare; Kurt couldn't tell. Never the less he tried to protest, to tell the stranger to stop but it only came as a mumbled whisper that didn't make sense even to him. Kurt was flipped on his stomach and then his world was swallowed by darkness.

The clock on the wall read 8:43 AM when Kurt finally opened his eyes, a pounding headache and nausea where his wakeup call. He turned to the side of the bed and lost the contents of his stomach all over the carpeted floor. Lying back on the bed, Kurt closed his eyes trying to will his headache away to no avail. He laid there till his throat started to burn from both thirst and the burning of his stomach acid.

Thinking that he might as well get something to clean up the floor before the smell starts to get overwhelming, he sat up. Kurt winced as a burning pain shot through him from his bottom up; only then did he realize that his pants were pulled down and there was sticky wet feeling between his legs, specifically what he was sitting on.

Kurt blanched, feeling the bile in his stomach start to come up again at the realization of what all that meant. All the warmth left his body and he felt his heart go into hummingbird mode as his breath was starting to come out ragged. Kurt can feel the panic start to spread from inside him when his phone rings, snapping Kurt back to reality.

He pulled his phone out of his pocket just to have something normal to ground him and sees a text from his dad. Now all he wants to do is go home and crawl his way into his daddy's bed like he used to every time he had a nightmare when he was small. He wanted his dad to hold him tight and promise it was only a bad dream.

Without even thinking about it, Kurt pulled his pants up and just stormed out of the room, the house and into his car, not even caring about the mess he left in the room or what David might think. All that matters, all he can think about is getting home, feeling safe, seeing his dad.

It was a miracle that Kurt didn't get in an accident as he kept trying to remember what happened last night instead of paying attention to the road. The only things that came to mind were shots exchanging hands, the warm fire in his belly spreading throughout his body, resting heavy on his head and making the wobbly trek to find a room even harder than it should have. Then there was the faint memory of hands all over his body and then nothing. Nothing. And that nothing scared the life out of him because if it was truly nothing why did he feel pain in his posterior?

Now parked outside his house, he realized that he couldn't face his father. What was he gonna say "Hey Dad, I drank till I passed out last night and might've lost my virginity too? Oopsy?" That was definitely not an option; his dad had always prided himself with how mature and responsible Kurt was; he trusts him and what does his son do? Screws it all up.

Kurt spent the next seventeen minutes locked inside his car debating whether to tell Burt of not. He didn't want to see the look of disappointment in his father's face nor give him stress that would be really hard on his heart.

"Pretty, pretty please," broke through Kurt's mental debate as he noticed his phone ringing.

Blaine…

Kurt had forgotten about his boyfriend in his panic; now Blaine was probably worried about him and wondering where he was since he was his ride home.

Kurt let the call to go to voicemail as his mind started to wrap around what this is gonna do to his relationship with Blaine. He had been so wrapped up in himself and getting out of there to think of how this would affect two of the people he loved the most. Blaine was supposed to be Kurt's first with candle lights, rose petals and soft music. Oh God, Blaine was gonna dump him and who would blame him? Kurt was tainted now.

But not if he didn't know; if Kurt doesn't say anything his dad won't be disappointed in him and Blaine won't dump him. They don't have to know Kurt is tainted.

_Besides it was only my virginity,_ Kurt thought, trying to make light of the situation but his heart ached at the mere memory of what he lost.

He needed his dad to let everything out but Kurt's needs didn't matter right now. What mattered was keeping this whole thing quiet so the people he loves won't shun him.

Finally coming to a decision, Kurt dried the tears from his eyes and checked himself in the mirror. It was probably still early enough that he could sneak up with our being notice. He really needed to be in his room and sleep for hours but first he needed to shower and wash away any traces of his sin. He looked as himself in the rearview mirror one last time slipping the cool collected mask he used to wear at school, the one that annoyed all the Neanderthals that kept trying to make his life a living hell. The same mask he hadn't needed since Dalton, since Blaine. Locking his car and walking into his home, he said a fleeting hello to Carole who was in the kitchen. Kurt realized this might not be too hard to hide; after all, Kurt had become an expert at hiding behind masks.

A/N: Hope you guys enjoyed this first chapter. Please comment and review and let me know if you liked it or if I should continue it. Also in an unrelated note I got a tumblr (clovrboy . Tumblr . Com) if you want to follow me send me suggestions or promts.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: First of all I would like to thank every one who took the time to review the first chapter, and apologize for the delay in posting this one. I would also like to thank my wonderful beta AirNationOracle for all his help, and to recommend his work if you are in the mood for some KUM I specially like his story between him and him, I would also like to recommend jono74656 and his story sweet porcelain if you are in the mood for something sexy. Now sit back relax and enjoy...**

**Chapter 2**

"Kurt... Kurt..." called a voice breaking through the heavy darkness that seemed to have enveloped him.

Other voices joined the original one, all of them familiar but the heaviness that had taken over prevented him from being able to identify their owners.

"Is he ok?"

"Do you think we shall call an ambulance?"

"Kurt can you hear me?

Finally the heaviness started lifting from his body and he was able to open his eyes. It took his glasz eyes a moment to adjust to the artificial brightness in the room until they finally focused on the face closest to him.

Worried hazel eyes meet his, eyes that he knew and loved and should never be allowed to look this concerned: his boyfriend's eyes.

"What happened?" asked Kurt, voice coarse and groggy as if he had just woken up from a long night of sleep.

"I don't know. One minute we were practicing the new routine and the next you were on the floor," said Blaine still sounding concerned.

It took Blaine motioning that he was on the floor for Kurt to realize that indeed he was laying down on the choir room's dirty, germ-filled floor.

The young countertenor tried to sit up but the world started spinning and he would've fallen again if not for his boyfriend's strong arm reaching for his back and keeping him in balance.

His friends crowded closer to him, their faces mimicking the worried look on Blaine's as they inquired if he was really ok.

"I'm fine. Just give me a little breathing room and then we can go back to practice," Kurt said, starting to feel a little claustrophobic and overwhelmed by their proximity.

Most of the Gleeks took a step back, although they still kept their worried eyes on him, expect for Blaine whom hard remained by his side, his strong arm still keeping him in an upright position.

After a few minutes Kurt felt strength coming back to his body and the world stopped spinning.

"Ok I'm fine now. Help me up honey and we can get back to practice," said Kurt, gripping hard at Blaine's arm as his boyfriend helped him stand up.

"No can do dude," Finn said from where he was standing next to Rachel.

"What do you mean no Finn? I'm fine now I swear. No use canceling practice on my account," argues Kurt, trying not to get irritated at his overprotective brother.

"I mean not more practice for you. Burt is on his way to take you to the see your doctor," said Finn, avoiding his brother's eyes knowing full well that Kurt would be glaring at him.

"You called my dad!" yelled Kurt indignantly.

"Well duh!" countered Finn. "You fainted dude! I'm your brother now and I'm supposed to take care of you and protect you. After what happened last year with Karofsky there's no way I'm taking any chances," explained the tall jock.

"Fine!" growled Kurt as he gathered his belongings with Blaine's help, murmuring about overreacting giants that don't know when to keep their mouths shut.

"Let me help you," said Blaine, taking Kurt's messenger bag and putting it over his shoulder, wrapping an arm around Kurt's waist to help him and ignoring the eye roll he received from Kurt.

They made their way to the school entrance; Blaine's arm never leaving Kurt's side as he ignoring his boyfriend's protests.

"Do you think your dad will mind if I tag along with you?" asked Blaine as they reached the school entrance.

"I guess it'll be fine. But you don't have to come, honey. I bet it was nothing, probably just heat stroke or something," responded Kurt, thankful for having such a caring boyfriend.

It was at that moment that Burt's truck pulled up in front of them. Burt got off and immediately went to his son's side and helped him into the passenger seat asking what had happened and how his son was feeling while Blaine got in the back seat.

Kurt laid his head against the passenger side window enjoying the cool feel of the glass against his skin as he told his dad for the hundredth time that he felt fine and that there was no need for them to go to the hospital, only to receive simultaneous responses from his father and boyfriend telling him that they weren't taking any risks and that it's always better to be safe than sorry.

After they finally made it into the hospital it took them 40 minutes before he was led him into an examining room and another 30 or so while the nurses asked questions and drew blood for tests before the doctor actually showed up.

Kurt was sitting on the examining bed bored out of his mind while Blaine and his dad were talking about some game that the young countertenor wasn't interested in when the doctor finally walked into the room and introduced himself as Doctor Smith.

"According to your file you are here because you fainted earlier correct?" asked the doctor as he looked through Kurt's file.

"That's right. We were practicing our new routine for Sectionals when suddenly he was on the floor," answered Blaine before Kurt even had a chance to.

"And how are you feeling right now? Have you suffered from any nausea, fatigue, unusual cravings?" asked the doctor as he turned a page on Kurt's file.

"I'm feeling perfectly fine. I've been feeling perfectly Doctor Smith, like I continue telling my dad this is a one-time thing." answered Kurt.

"That's not true," countered Blaine from where he was standing next to him. "You've been throwing up pretty much every morning for the past couple of weeks and then yesterday you made a peanut butter and onion sandwich. You can't deny that's unusual," finished Blaine, ignoring the killer glare his boyfriend was directing at him.

"Doctor, please tell us what's wrong with my son? Is it serious? Do I need to take him to a specialist?" interjected Burt.

"I'm not going to die Dad! Please tell him it's nothing serious," said Kurt, looking at the doctor imploringly.

"You're right Kurt, it's nothing life threatening but you will have to see a specialist." said the doctor calmly, setting Kurt file on the counter.

Kurt was about to ask the doctor to elaborate when he said "Congratulations, you're pregnant," and Kurt felt his world shatter.

**A/N: I really hope you enjoyed the second chapter and that you will take the time to review since reviews are nourishment to my muse. Also one last plug, for all of you that like M-preg stories you might want to check my other story What you want and what you get, to keep you entertain while the next chapter of tala is written. Thank you very much for reading**


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